Love me

A friendly reminder that today, the greatest of days, my mother gave birth to a literal angel.

In honour of my day, I demand the glory that I deserve.

A few suggestions, if you're struggling to think of a birthday gift:

- A golden idol of myself
- Chocolate eclaires
- Grapes. Pre-peeled, of course
- Chocolates
- A life-size model of Pamela Anderson, circa 1990
- Chocolate covered strawberries

Remember: today doesn't end until 11:59 p.m.

Plenty of time.